


Plate

by IRegretNothingAndEverything



Series: HLVRAI Requests [45]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Bubby is Gordon's DAD, Bubby uses xe/xem, Gordon uses fae/faer pronouns, Panic Attack, Self-Hatred, also Coomer in the few moments Coomer is there uses it/its, depressive episodes, only neo-pronouns in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IRegretNothingAndEverything/pseuds/IRegretNothingAndEverything
Summary: Gordon drops a plate and spirals
Series: HLVRAI Requests [45]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939135
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	Plate

**Author's Note:**

> Request: Hi friend! If it vibes how about angst #1 for gordon?  
> 1: “I can’t do anything right.”

It was really such a simple thing. The dark heavy feeling that hung over Gordon for the past couple days hadn’t been there, not really, and Gordon thought, maybe, that this certain episode was over. Fae was... pretty sure it was. 

Pretty sure. 

The problem with that is pretty sure is not confident. And Gordon was never confident where faer waning and waxing mental health issues were concerned. 

All fae did was drop a plate. An old plate, that fae had dropped hundreds of times in the past, that had never shattered before, but chose this moment to splinter into thousands of ceramic pieces across the tile, as if taunting faer. 

“Fuck!” Gordon was backed into a corner, broken ceramic covering the kitchen between faer and the door way, with no clear way over for faer to get through without stepping on sharp ceramic, and Gordon couldn’t help it, couldn’t help the sudden all-encompassing panic that surrounded faer in that moment, the stuttering heart beat against faer ribs, as Gordon slid down against the counter, eyes wide, hands shaking. “I can’t do anything right.” Fae muttered bitterly, tears already streaking down faer face, chest heaving as fae tried to breathe through it, tried to calm, it was just a plate, but it was so much more than a plate, wasn’t it, it was indicative of a bigger, more pressing problem, the issue that Gordon couldn’t even handle a small issue without shattering into the same ceramic pieces that littered the kitchen floor now, unrepairable and unworthy of the care that faer friends and family were so careful to give faer in these moments- 

“Gordon.” Gordon jumped, head flying back against the counter, cushioned by a hand that Gordon would later feel bad about hitting so harshly, but for now, fae barely noticed it, barely felt it, staring wide eyed at the person in front of faer. 

Bubby, equipped with a broom that had been on the other side of the kitchen when this started, had cleared a rough path through the carnage of the plate to the door way, and had xyr hand reaching around, holding Gordon’s head from slamming into the cabinet, and Bubby looked so worried, so concerned for Gordon’s health, in a way fae never deserved, it almost made it worse, but god, Gordon felt so selfish, selfish enough to take the comfort, take it and hold it close, so when they did realize that fae wasn’t enough, there would still be these moments of comfort, hidden deep away from harm, and Gordon shoulders shook more, as Bubby carefully knelt on the ceramic-stewn floor, for Gordon of all people, as if xe could pick up those shatter pieces and put faer back together correctly, as if the minuscule pieces in the grout wouldn’t be missed, and Gordon just sobbed harder, curling tighter into a ball, nails digging into the flesh of faer arm, even as Bubby so carefully and tenderly pulled faer hand off, stopping Gordon from drawing blood before Gordon even realized that was a possibility. 

Instead, Bubby held Gordon’s hand to xyr chest, breathing so carefully for faer, and Gordon hiccuped, clutching onto Bubby’s sweater, hands still shaking, but trying to focus on that, the deep careful breathing, the flow of words in a calm voice that Gordon didn’t understand, but could feel in the way Bubby breathed, xyr chest rumbling with words, and Gordon focused on it, kept faer eyes away from the ceramic covered floor and the way Bubby was surely going to have tiny ceramic pieces in xyr pants, the way Gordon was going to be covered in ceramic powder, tried so hard to keep faer eyes on Bubby’s, so careful and gentle, so caring, and Gordon hiccuped through a sob, trying to breathe, trying to keep Bubby’s words tight. They still slipped through faer brain like river water, in and out, Gordon unable to focus on a single word Bubby said, instead focusing on xyr voice, which, while most people wouldn’t think could be comforting, was a god send in these moments, the careful gentle way Bubby spoke, and Gordon could feel the tension leaking from faer shoulders as they focused on the sound of Bubby’s voice, the feeling of Bubby’s chest moving under faer hand. 

It took a moment, as Gordon sniffled, relaxing slowly, for faer to realize that there wasn’t ceramic on the floor anymore, that Bubby wasn’t holding onto the broom, that rather, Coomer had come in at some point, that it had cleaned up around the two of them, and Gordon felt both relived and guilty, hating that it had to clean up after faer, but so relieved fae didn’t have to do it, that fae could just focus on the careful breathing Bubby coached, and finally, Gordon’s eyes focused properly on Bubby, watching as xe smiled at faer. 

“Back with me?” Xe asked carefully, and Gordon found no words buried in faer chest to say back, nothing there to say, no way to apologize for this, and instead nodded. “Good. C’mon.” Bubby stood, wrapping xyr hands around Gordon’s elbows and pulled, and Gordon didn’t think to help at first, but it didn’t seem to matter, Bubby was deceptively strong pulling Gordon’s bulk up until Gordon realized and got faer feet under faer, and xe smiled at faer again, and what the did, Gordon didn’t understand. Fae wasn’t deserving of that smile, one Bubby didn’t often use, a careful gentle smile on a face that so often had something more akin to a smirk on it, and Gordon’s hands were still shaking. 

They got to the couch, and Gordon curled up there, against Bubby’s chest, as Bubby lay with faer, one hand carding through faer hair, a tangled mess Gordon hadn’t gotten to brush in a few days, hadn’t gotten to wash in a few days, and Gordon felt guilty about that too, so many things that Gordon tried to blame on faerself, and yet fae was so tired of it, so tired of faer own brain betraying faer like this, and Gordon tried to lock it out, instead focusing on the way Bubby breathed, the way xe hummed, hand snagging on a few tangle that xe were so careful not to fully tug on, and Gordon couldn’t help but feel appreciative of, couldn’t help but relax against Bubby’s chest, finally letting faer eyes drift shut against the world, forcing those thoughts away in favor of the love Bubby radiated in this moment. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comforting Bubby moments <3


End file.
